


Super Miscellaneous

by Crescental



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Team Bonding, Tony needs his caffeine, and his Iron Man coffee mug, degrading superhero store
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 12:05:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2150100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crescental/pseuds/Crescental
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sleep-deprived Tony is probably just as dangerous as a drunk Tony, so when he goes to a little store dedicated to superheroes, the team follows him. Both happiness and tension form at the little store called Super Miscellaneous and bonds the team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Super Miscellaneous

"What the hell are you doing, Stark?" Clint Barton yelled from his perch on the top of a large fridge that was aligned with a long marble counter that held the usual kitchen appliances.

The rest of the Avengers sat at the long wooden table stationed near the counter. Natasha Romanov was already used to Tony's irritating and undignified behaviour, so she didn't even lift her eyes off of a magazine she was reading.

The other Avengers, however, upon hearing Clint, immediately looked at the kitchen counter and raised their eyebrows at the spectacle.

There Tony Stark stood, or tried to. He was heavily leaning against the countertop, and it didn't seem to be doing much good as he looked like he was about to topple over to his side. The reasonable explanation for this that came to them was that he was seriously drunk. Which would also explain the weird sight they were seeing.

Tony, brought out of his frozen state with Clint's yell, blinked a few times and finally examined what he was doing. In front of him, a microwave sat on the marble counter.

What was grabbing everyone's attention was the fact it was sitting vertically, not horizontally, almost touching the bottom of the steel cabinets it sat underneath.

The microwave's door was somehow staying open, defying gravity. Its shadow casted down over an empty coffee pot that was beneath it. On the inside of the microwave was a coffee filter housing coffee grounds.

Tony managed to smirk childishly through his daze when he realized he had taken revenge on the microwave while barely conscious. He hated this particularly microwave.

When the others had moved in to the renamed Avenger's tower not even three weeks ago, they had refused to use any other kitchen in the building. Most likely because this kitchen was between everyone's individual floors, and since the room had unofficially become the area they stay in when they want to eat and watch a movie together due to the kitchen and the large tv and couch on the opposite side of the room.

Since the kitchen had only one microwave, and the Avengers were kings, and queen, of microwavable food, they had asked (forced) the poor billionaire to buy another microwave to put it into this kitchen. Tony did buy another one, albeit a cheap one that he had lazily placed on the counter.

And he was now assuming that this was his way to take revenge on the cheap microwave since taking it out on all the other Avengers would be signing his death wish. He ignored the fact that he had been delusional and had thought the microwave was the coffee maker.

The genius blinked a couple times again before registering that he still had to answer Clint's question.

"I'm making coffee dumbass." An irritated look appeared on Clint's face, and before he could make a remark, Thor spoke.

"I do not understand. How can you make coffee like that?"

"You can't," Natasha responded without taking her eyes off of the magazine.

"Then why-"

"Probably did it cause' he got himself drunk again," Barton cut Thor off, predicting and answering the god's question while managing to insult the billionaire.

"I'm not drunk Legolas. Way too early," Tony said. He moved to put the stuff away and right the microwave when he noticed that there was already a half-full coffee pot. How he didn't see that before, he didn't know.

The other Avengers raised an eyebrow at what Tony said. If he wasn't drunk, then what else could explain his odd actions and the fact he looked about ready to tip over?

"As I quote you one morning when you did get drunk, 'You're never too late to got drunk.'" Tony rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to punch the smug look off of the highly trained assassin's face.

He didn't respond however, and he instead opened one of steel cabinets hovering above the marble counter. His eyes scanned the contents of the metal shelves, and again, and again.

With his brain still fuzzed from his lack of sleep and serious need of caffeine, Tony hoped that was the reason he was failing to spot his-

"Looking for this?"

The darked haired man peered around the door of the cabinet up at Clint, who, he just noticed, was holding his coffee mug. The one that was obviously his with how the Iron man helmet was stamped on the front of the white mug and had bold letters that said "I am Iron Man" that wrapped around the body of it.

"You did not take my coffee mug," Tony exclaimed in tired anger and disbelief, slamming the shiny metal cabinets shut with a bang. Everyone but Clint, Natasha, and Tony flinched at the loud noise.

"I'm holding it aren't I?" Clint jumped down to the floor, holding the coffee cup in front of Stark to taunt him.

Extremely tired and desperate for caffeine, Tony lacked his usual snarkiness. "Give my my mug."

Clint gave a nonchalant shrug, "Get another one."

"You get another one."

"Tony," a new voice piped in. Tony didn't have to look over at the owner of the voice to know who it was, Steve Rogers, but he did anyway.

Steve was sitting at the wooden table with his own coffee cup, decorated in stars and stripes. "Just get a different mug."

"Easy for you to say, you have your own."

The leader of the team rubbed his forehead with tiredness. "Tony…"

"I want my mug though!" Tony whined childishly, "I absolutely refuse to drink coffee without it!"

"That sucks, but if it makes you feel any better, think of this as a revenge for getting me a Hello Kitty mug instead of an awesome Hawkeye one," Clint took a calm sip of coffee out of Tony's cup with a scowl.

Tony lunged forward for the cup.

His hands moved forward to take it, but Clint jumped away without spilling any of his coffee. Tony moved towards him again, only for Barton to leap out of the way.

"C'mon Tony," Bruce Banner said. "Stop before-"

As if he jinxed it, that was the moment where Tony finally got a hold on his mug. He began to pull it towards him. Clint, smirking, kept a strong grip on the item. Thinking quickly, Tony swept a foot underneath the master archer's legs.

Clint started to fall to the ground with his hold still on the cup.

Not wanting to be pulled down as well, Tony immediately let go. Clint's arm were thrown above his head when he landed on his back, and the mug smashed into the floor.

Clint jumped to his feet.

It was silent for a few seconds. Everyone stared at the white pieces of the cup sitting in coffee.

Bruce ran a hand through his hair, "Before that happens." He finished in an almost inaudible mutter.

"You just broke my mug!" The others sighed as he stated the obvious.

"What did you expect to happen by sweeping me off my feet?"

Tony made a face of disgust, "Eww, no way Clint, you're not my type, and I thought that since y'know you're a skilled assassin and all that you would be able to avoid it."

Barton ignored both of both of the insults and instead smirked, "You just called me skilled."

"Yeah, but you just proved yourself wrong." Clint glared, and Tony continued, "You owe me a new cup by the way."

"You're a billionaire, buy it yourself."

He glared at Clint for a few moments, "Jarvis?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Call Happy and tell him to pick up a new mug."

"He is unavailable, Sir. He is picking up Ms. Potts at the airport from her week long trip."

Tony cussed. He didn't have the energy to go out and buy a new mug. Clint gave him a disapproving look. It told Tony that was exactly what he thought a billionaire would do, and he hated it. Normally, he would have ignored it, but he just couldn't.

"Fine, you know what? I'll go buy one right now."

"What?" That came from Steve, who had risen to his feet.

"Yep," the genius said, already walking towards the elevator.

"Right now?"

"You bet it Capsicle. I seriously need coffee right now, and I refuse to drink it without my mug."

Tony paused in his steps.

He was utterly exhausted and knew he would most likely pass out on his way to his destination if he didn't have at least a little coffee.

With that thought, he quickly walked back over to the coffee maker. Tony's greasy hands picked up the coffee pot by its black handle and brought it to lips. The hot liquid and, most importantly, the caffeine went down his starched throat. He quickly downed the remainder of the coffee, placing it back on the marble counter with a belch.

The other Avengers cringed away from him. "Eww, germs man."

Tony paid no heed to Clint.

"Correction. I refuse to have any more coffee without my mug." He continued to walk to the elevator.

He pressed the elevator button, and the silver doors opened immediately.

"Tony-"

"Bye bye," Tony said just as the elevator doors closed; he made sure to give them a smug smile, mostly to the team's Captain, right before they did.

The Avengers stared at the spot where the cocky billionaire had just been, but they were broken out of their bemused silence by Jarvis's disembodied voice.

"May you please follow Sir? He's extremely deprived of sleep, and I'm afraid of what he might do."

Bruce frowned and looked up at the ceiling out of habit as he addressed the AI, "How much sleep has he gotten?"

They were shocked to hear a certain tone to Jarvis's voice that conveyed he was concerned and tired of how Tony treated himself, "He got six hours of sleep four days ago."

Everyone's eyes widened, surprised Tony could work on only six hours of sleep for so long, and especially since they had a battle not to long ago.

With that they ran after the crazy billionaire, playboy, genius, and philanthropist.

***

They actually found Tony fairly quickly. It wasn't exactly hard to not notice a huge crowd that was gathered around a store off to the side of a street, and it was also noticeable that a lot of people in the crowd had a phone or camera out.

The only hard part was pushing their way through the crowd.

After a while, they finally managed to get into the store. They noted with much satisfaction that there was fewer people in the interior of the building, and the people inside had the decency to mind their own business. They only spared a few glances at the billionaire.

Tony, they had noticed, had put on a black sweatshirt, most likely to hide the arc reactor's glow, and had put on a pair of tennis shoes, but he still had his greasy jeans on.

His back was to them as he looked at a long shelf housing an array of different coffee mugs.

Upon closer inspection of the coffee mugs, did they notice that they all contained faces of superheroes or something that symbolized them. They quickly examined the rest of the store and realized the whole building was filled with items decorated with superheroes and their emblems. There was almost everything, ranging from t-shirts to comics, from toys to video games.

Clint was the first to see an item of him: a comic that blared Hawkeye on the cover. He slowly moved towards it and picked it up. His eyes widened in surprise, and he forced himself to gently close it instead of shutting it roughly and slamming it back onto the shelf. Barton shivered as he thought about what he had just witnessed. Out of curiosity, he opened the comic again to immediately regret it. One the page was a figure, clad in a absolutely horrific purple costume, and if it weren't for the bow and arrows the man in the comic was holding, and the fact that the cover said Hawkeye, Clint would've laughed at it.

Natasha was the next to be victimized by the store. She actually cringed when she noticed a tiny plush toy of her in her black leather suit, sitting on one of the many shelves of the store. It had a sticker that said "squeeze me" on it's chest. Natasha hesitantly walked over and picked up the thing. The scarlet haired women lightly squeezed the area with the sticker. She raised an eyebrow when the little stuffed toy said in a squeaky and annoying voice, "I don't see how that's a party." She applied a lot more pressure, hoping to see some of the stuffing inside the little toy pop out. Natasha tightened her grip even more when the mini version of her said, "This should be fun."

Bruce too, walked over to one of the shelves of the store and gingerly picked up a pair of boxing gloves that were designed to look like the Hulk's hands. Seeing a label on the product that said to slam the gloves together, he did, and he winced when a loud voice rang from the gloves that said, "Hulk smash!" He really hoped the Hulk didn't sound like that.

Steve blatantly ignored the inflatable Captain America in the corner of the store.

And Thor stared in confusion at a game stand labeled, "Whac-A-Mole" with an inflated copy of Mjolnir sitting on it. He walked towards it and picked up the duplicate of his hammer. He inspected the machine and noticed a little slot. Remembering what his lovely Jane Foster and a couple of the Avengers had told him about these little games that required certain coins, he began to place the copy of Mjolnir back down as he knew he couldn't use the strange machine, but a small hand moved in front of him. In the palm was a silver coin. He looked at the person's face as the girl spoke, "Here take mine."

He bowed slightly, "Thank you."

It wasn't until then that Tony finally turned around with sunglasses on his face to hide the dark circles under his eyes.

His eyebrows lifted for an instant to then be replaced with a smile. The sight of Thor playing Whac-A-Mole with a inflatable Mjolnir that squeaked every time it hit something was hilarious. For a guy with a lot of experience with a hammer as a weapon, Thor was not doing so good, and he let out an audible noise with every one he missed. Tony automatically translated it to cursing, and he struggled to not burst out laughing.

"Glad to see you guys are enjoying the store."

Without one word, Natasha pointed at the plush toy in her hand with an eyebrow raised.

Tony's smile grew bigger, but it was slightly forced. It was his way to show he wasn't freaked out by her when he actually was. He shivered underneath her hard glare.

"Cute little thing huh? I sent the idea to a toy company myself and had them manufacture it."  
Natasha finally squeezed the thing hard enough that it's head popped off and rolled along the wooden floor.

"I'd consider that suicide. Or homicide." Tony said with a pointed finger and grimace, trying and failing again to hide how much she was scaring him.

"And you're paying for it."

The billionaire didn't argue for once and instead shuffled nervously while rubbing the back of his neck.

"What is this place Tony?" Steve asked, looking at the genius.

"Did you not see the name of this store? That, y'know is in really big letters and really hard to miss?"

"The crowd you attracted was really hard to miss."

Tony ignored him and chose to answer his question, "It's called Super Miscellaneous. A cute little store dedicated to us superheroes."

Clint and Natasha snorted at the same time.

Tony irked an eyebrow at them.

"It's actually creepy and quite disturbing how synchronized you two are. Are you hiding something from us, like, oh, I don't know, certain nightly activities," the billionaire waggled both his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

Understanding what he meant, Clint and Natasha, both deadly assassins trained to hide emotion, blushed as did the other Avengers.

"I-It's a ridiculous name!" Clint weakly defended.

"Hey," Tony snapped and pointed a finger at the archer. He blurted out before he could stop himself, "I spent a high total of five minutes thinking of that name!"

"You did?" Clint was brought of his embarrassment into astonishment and confusion.

"Yes, I did."

"I do not understand," everyone turned to Thor, who had temporarily paused in his Whac-A-Mole game to turn around and speak. "Is this not just a random building you had chosen to visit?"

Tony held up his hands as if in surrender, "Okay, I may or may not of bought this building for a little struggling couple."

There was only silence from the Avengers. The group suddenly saw the store in a new light, noticing how big it actually was.

"That's actually-" Clint began.

"Really nice," Natasha finished.

"Again, creepy guys."

"No, really Tony." Steve said, probably knowing that Tony had tried to deviate the attention away from himself. "That's actually really nice."

The genius looked at Steve for a couple moments, studying his shock-filled face, and then examined his other teammates faces, all of which had the same expression.

"Wow, guys I'm actually hurt that it's so hard to believe I was nice for once."

"Well you're always so…" Bruce moved his hands in a turning motion as if it would explain what he couldn't say.

They all were still and quiet for a couple of moments.

"Well," Clint shuffled his feet, "This is getting weird. We should get back guys."

"Not until I get my mug."

"Tony…"

The billionaire turned his eyes back to Steve and noted the tone in the other man's voice with distaste. Tony sensed a lecture coming.

"Not until I get my mug," he repeated with a stronger and rougher edge.

"Fine, but you can't just leave the tower out of the blue like that, much less to buy a coffee mug."

The genius shook his head and sent an unseen glare at Steve. He held his arms out to his side, subconsciously thinking it would hide how utterly exhausted he was at the moment.

"And why the hell not!? It's my tower, my rules." Tony was really wished he would shut up; he was egging Steve on right now, which he definitely should not do as they were arguing in a public store. He didn't want any personal information leaking out, but he didn't want Steve to boss him around. Just because Steve was there leader, didn't mean that he could monitor his actions.

"Well, it's another story with your condition-"

"What condition!?" Damn, Tony should add physic to his list of what he was without his suit.

The peaceful atmosphere of the store was gone and was replaced with a rather tense one.

Thor had stopped his Whac-A-Mole game again and was frowning at them, mostly at Tony, with concern. Which made Tony even more irritated that they wouldn't leave him alone and were suddenly forcing themselves into his life.

"You're extremely sleep-depri-"

"Guys!" Both men jumped at the yell of the usually calm Bruce Banner and turned to him. "Not here."

Tony mentally thanked Bruce for intervening and cutting Steve off when he did; happy that the argument had stopped there. Partially since he hated it when personal information was leaked out to the public. Last time that had happened, the press hadn't left him alone for weeks.

He sent a mild glare to Rogers underneath his dark glasses.

Steve nodded at Bruce in agreement with a sigh and rubbed his face in frustration that came a little from Tony but mostly came from himself.

In his anger, he had somehow forgotten that it wasn't just the Avengers in the room but strangers as well. He was extremely concerned about how Tony was treating himself, and he had disliked how he had immaturely went outside to get one coffee mug when he already had plenty.

Steve had almost revealed personal information about Tony that the media would have used to scour for news headlines. He was still fairly new to the twenty first century, but he had quickly figured out that the media would use anything for a news story.

He would have to apologize later.

Tony, minus his little glare, did nothing else except perform a little shrug. He turned back to the coffee mugs on the shelf like nothing had even happened.

The tense atmosphere failed to vanish, and it was far too quiet and still.

Tony blew a low whistle when his eyes spotted a mug that was red and blue with black lines. In the front of the mug it had large, white, buggy eyes bordered in black.

"Hey Nat I-"

"Don't call me that."

"-got something for you."

Her eyebrows raised when he turned around and showed her the item in his hands. Sensing what he was going to suggest, she said a quick and emotionless no. Tony sighed in disappointment and placed the Spider-man mug back onto the shelf.

A quick booya escaped his lips as he finally saw an Iron Man mug back behind all the other cups. It was almost identical to his previous mug except the background was black, and it said Iron Man in letters that resembled metal.

He reached over to the back of the shelf and picked it up.

"Why did you have to reach all the way in the back? No one wanted to see it?" Asked Clint, who was, like Tony, trying to put a happy mood back up.

"Fuck you, this is the last one. The rest probably sold out."

"Language Stark."

"You're not my mother." Tony paused and then lowered his sunglasses a bit to send a scrutinizing look at Clint. "Wait, are you?" The archer look irritated and annoyed beyond belief. He opened his mouth to respond, but Tony spoke before he could. "Nah, I wouldn't have this handsome face if you were."

Tony shuddered while imagining himself with Clint's face. "Yeah that would be a nightmare," he muttered but managed to be loud enough to be heard.

Clint and Natasha groaned. Thor and Bruce lightly chuckled, and Steve tried to subdue his.

"Time to go Tony."

The billionaire didn't spare a glance at the team's Captain and focused his attention on a clothes rack that held many superhero decorated pajamas, "Just a sec'."

Still holding his coffee mug, Tony took one of the hangars in his hand and examined the pajamas that hung from it.

There was a synchronized sigh from some of the Avengers when they saw what the clothes looked like.

They were gold with Iron Man helmets scattered across it.

"I'm getting this."

"I don't think it fits you," Bruce said, eyeing the pajamas that were suited for a toddler.

The eye roll Tony did was hidden by his sunglasses. He held it just below his face in Bruce's direction. "Are you implying it would fit you? Do you want it?"

Bruce rolled his eyes this time, "Please, I would put it on just to Hulk out to tear it to shreds."

The other Avengers turned to him. Clint was the one to voice their surprise, "Did you just make a joke?"

Bruce blinked, suddenly feeling slightly awkward.

"Why is that so surprising?"

"Welcome to the club," Tony muttered under his breath, referring to the fact everyone didn't know he could be nice.

"Well..." Steve began to answer Bruce but when he didn't continue, Clint did.

"You've always been so quiet." Natasha hummed in agreement.

"I concur," Thor boomed

"Our little Brucie is growing up," Tony said in a fake sorrowful voice.

Bruce only rubbed his eyes and groaned.

With a small smile, Tony placed the set of pajamas back onto the clothing rack and grabbed a much bigger size.

The genius then sauntered up to the counter at the back of the store and placed the items on it. He sent a welcoming smile to the woman and man behind the counter, and they returned it.

Tony was startled when Natasha quietly came behind him and set the ripped plush toy, both the head and the body, of herself beside his items.

He smiled smugly at her.

"I knew you wanted it."

"I'm going to burn it and stomp on its ashes when we get back."

Tony swallowed, but he noticed a ghost of a smile on her face. He barely suppressed his own smile.

He turned back to the pair behind the counter. "So how much?"

The women rolled her eyes, "Please, Mr. Stark, you should know you don't have to pay. It's the least we can do after what you did for us."

The other Avengers blinked in surprise, and they realized that this was the couple Tony had bought the store for.

"And you should know to call me Tony," the billionaire said with a friendly smile that was hidden to the other Avengers, but they heard the warmth in his voice. "And, c'mon, you guys let me name the store, and I didn't have to pay last time either."

The two both smiled.

"Just get out of here Tony," the man said with no amount of hostility.

Tony smiled and turned to walk towards the glass door, swiftly picking the items up from the counter. He nodded towards them in a way of saying goodbye.

The others blinked in surprise at the friendliness Tony had displayed to the couple.

"Will you guys quit gawking? You especially, Clint. Seriously I could shove a whole donut into your mouth."

The other Avengers stifled a chuckle.

Tony walked towards the door. The crowd that had gathered outside the store backed away from it, seeing that he was going to leave.

Steve was the first to go through the glass door, then Bruce, Thor, and Natasha. Clint was in the door frame when Tony lightly slammed a hand into the archer's back, making the man stumble forward.

"C'mon mamma bird." Clint frowned at the nickname but chose not to comment on it.

Tony went out the door next, following the others back to the Avenger's Tower.

All of the Avengers immediately went to the kitchen once they had entered the elevator in the building.

At the sight of the large leather couch, Tony fought the urge to fully collapse onto it. He instead veered to the left to the coffeemaker on the marble countertop.

"Coffee," he moaned like a zombie.

"No," a hand grabbed his shoulders and turned him around to face the owner of the hand: Steve. The man also took off Tony's sunglasses, revealing the heavy bags underneath his eyes they had failed to notice before. "You are going to sleep."

"Ah, so you're my long lost mother."

"I'm serious Tony."

"So am I…" Everyone gave Tony a look. The billionaire raised both of his hands, and used one to flick Steve's hand off of his shoulder. "Okay not really, but c'mon I can take care of myself."

"And that's why you're on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion."

"I'm not about to collapse."

"You're vital signs say otherwise, Sir." Everyone but Tony and Natasha jumped at the sudden voice of JARVIS.

"Thank you, for that, Jar," Tony said with a voice thick with sarcasm.

The AI calmly responded, and the Avengers noticed with surprise that the AI was teasing Tony. "It was my pleasure, Sir."

"Okay, look guys. I… appreciate your concern and all but-"

"Don't you dare say you're fine," Clint interrupted.

"Fine, I won't. But you guys do remember all the coffee that I drank a while ago, right? Yeah. I'm not going to be able to sleep very well with all that caffeine in my system."

"Fine." Tony raised an eyebrow at Natasha, who had calmly spoke and stood with her arms crossed.

"Then what, exactly do you suppose I do, cause' I would prefer to go to my lab."

Natasha smirked, "We can do a training exercise."

Before Tony could respond, Bruce spoke. "He needs a well earned sleep before he does any form of exercise. Unless you want to beat him up even more than he would've been with a good amount of sleep."

"Hey I would not-"

"Bruce's right," Steve cut Tony off with a smile of his own. "So we should watch a movie instead."

"Yes! And we shall eat plenty of pop tarts!" Everyone rolled their eyes at Thor.

"Except for Tony, the sugar will just keep him up longer," the billionaire gaped at Bruce, not believing that Bruce was basically babying him. He was thankful that he didn't have to go in a training session against Natasha but restricting him from eating poptarts was too much.

Tony threw his hands up in exasperation.

"You know what? While you're at it, you just might as well wipe my butt when I take a crap!"

"Eww, gross man."

Everyone laughed.

Eventually, they agreed on a movie and comfortably sat on the large leather couch.

Tony tried to fight off sleep, but he could only delay the inevitable.

He soon fell to the realm of dreams, but instead of seeing the scenes of the dark wormhole he had been forced to revisit ever since the battle of Manhattan, he saw the family the Avengers made. How they helped him when he was struggling or unable to look out for himself.

Tony smiled in his sleep.

The others noticed this and smiled too. But then Jarvis told them Pepper had arrived back at the tower, and they realized that Tony would go through hell once she saw him, especially since she had been gone for only one week and Tony had already done this to himself.

They could only wince in sympathy.


End file.
